Posted by Snowman on March 26, 2001 at 13:23:13:
Dean is absolutely right about the recent rza post. Anyone preparing to tell his honey about his interest in her feet or shoes should take note. This post by rza should be in a completely separate category, CAUTIONARY TALES. The situation rza describes, that his girlfriend doesn’t dip anymore, is not the worst possible outcome in a situation like this. Others that have recently posted about whether to tell women their interests should consider the other possible outcomes. If you are thinking about explaining your particular interests to a women you are interested in, or care about, I suggest you consider things very carefully, and make every attempt to anticipate any and all reactions you may receive. Unless you have an unusually strong bond, and outstanding sales abilities, “telling her” is a bad idea, and I would hesitate to casually bring it up over dinner. Letting her know is a whole different issue. If you decide to make your interests clear, (which I highly recommend) it is wise to proceed incrementally. The risks are lower, and the rewards are substantial. Try this: When your girlfriend is sitting with her legs crossed, you might just pull her shoe off her heel playfully, and tell her something like, “I think it’s sexy when you dangle your shoe.” CAUTION: The operative word here is not “dangle” and it is certainly not “shoe”, the word to emphasize is “You”. “I think it’s sexy when YOU dangle your shoe.” Or try this. Bump her shoe with yours under the table at a restaurant, or a cinema, and say in a teasing tone, “Hey, quit kicking me.” And then do it again. Being sure that it is relatively private, and she will not be embarrassed, grab her shoe and refuse to give it back. If you get a negative reaction, quit. But if it’s not a negative reaction, keep it playfull, but in that context, let her know that you like it, and that SHE is appealing when SHE is (insert your interest here, i.e. in her stockinged feet, wearing a Viking Helmet, etc.) The focus has to be on her, and how wonderful and exciting SHE is, and not on you, or what else you want, or wish she would do. If she is wearing some dreadful athletic socks that are slightly less sexy than sandbags, tell her how appealing she is, not how you wish she had on some exotic lace stockings. The thing is, focus on her. The problem is not so different for men that are “breast men” for instance. A woman with a man who is fixated on her chest is not necessarily offended by it, but she wants to know that she is the object of affection, not just her breasts. She is probably not too receptive to the idea that he is attracted to the breasts of most other women either, so he doesn’t mention that fact, and doesn't look at the breasts of other women when he is with her. Try to approach the issue in different ways. On the chance that she engages in your chosen interest on her own, i.e. shoeplay, or taking off her shoes in public, take that opportunity to focus on her, and let her know that she is even more attractive when she does these things. Pay attention to her reactions. If she is not at all receptive, your interest in her shoe will be forgotten as just another in a long line of things that you have done, that she didn’t quite understand. No more or less weird than paying $100 for an autographed baseball, eating cookies while drinking beer, or watching Pro Wrestling on TV. At that point, you have to decide if you can be with a woman that is not receptive to what you enjoy, and I would not like to offer an opinion on that. In my experience, you could persuade many, if not most women to change the oil in your car, or chop firewood, if you could find a way to let them know that it would really, really be appreciated by someone they care about. Contrast that with telling a woman, “ I want a girl that can chop wood and keep the oil changed in my car.” Telling her is a bad idea, as opposed to letting her know.